I’m a Wannabe
There is no question in my mind, that I love Christ more than anything, except perhaps myself. I know that it’s not popular to voice this type of confession. I know that people will judge, but the reality is that I still do things my way. I don’t WANT to be that way – I’d love to know how to “die to self”. As passionate as I am for Christ, I have a hard time abiding in his mercy and benevolence. I desire to be more like him, but simply fail – often.
I am not comforted by the fact that others have this same struggle. I have desire to show His love, but fail. I have a passion for seeing God’s best in people’s lives; but not always the patience to build the trust needed to convey this. I’m a “Wannabe”….
I want to have the Wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Samson and the passion of David. I want to show love, as Christ did and to have His humility.
Getting Over Ones’ Self
I think it’s not only hypocrisy, but an out right lie to think that any of us are where Christ desires us to be. I laugh when I recently heard someone say “God has really worked on humbling me, He’s done that to use me for better things.” Isn’t this presumptive in and of itself? I use this example, but I think that while judging the “humble guy’s” motivation for bragging about being humble, I was judging his motivation.
O God, thou knowest my foolishness; And my sins are not hid from thee.
I am foolish. I’ve squandered opportunity to share with my passion with friends and family at times. I’ve been cynical of how others have related to God and questioned their motivations. I’ve not always been wrong, but there are many times when I’ve questioned God’s wisdom without simply trusting that His way is best.
All of this has made me nutzy, and struck with guilt at my own arrogance. I’ve not always been able to maintain my status as a “Wannabe”. Luckily we find this verse in 1st John:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Using Power for Good and not Evil
I love picking on the goofiness of the church and even with the prelude of the preceding paragraph, I can tell you that not all satire or snarky remarks about the Church are about God. Hardly any of them are. The Church has so lost the heart of God in pursuit of melding with the culture to the point that I find…..well, stupid.
The culture today is running, not walking, away from “Church” we’re not what we were intended to be. I find it hard, at times, to separate my cynical side; from my “Wannabe” side. when I see a TV evangelist with the corny “Christianese” lines and swinging his jacket over his head, while asking for money – I just laugh and think THAT’s what the world thinks of us all.
I want the church to be so much more, but where is the line? At what point does recognition of the church’s failings just become judgment?
