…just for me?

Hebrews 9:15 - 15 And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance.

The Struggle

I’ve gone to church since I was nine…  I’ve read just about every book recommended to me about God and the Church…  I’ve listened to powerful testimony…  And it wasn’t until about nine years ago that I was actually impacted by any of it.  It was then, once God had stripped me of everything else, that I realized that it was for “me”.  Since that time till this, I’ve struggled greatly with the ability to dissever the narcissistic mentality that was blocking my ability to understand that Christ simply wanted a personal relationship with me.  I still struggle with why He die for me.  It’s coming to me.  Frankly, I’m not my biggest fan.  Oh, I have tons of bravado with people;  which is mostly a defense or self preservation, but I still don’t like “me”.  I love what God has blessed me with, but I desire to be more like Him…more what He utlimatly designed me to be.

The Passion for Others

You see, it wasn’t until Christ found me face down and begging for Him, that He could do a work in me.  That work is far from done, but it was the beginning and only the first of many stages.  I’ve recently been undergoing the next stage of the metamorphosis, and that is the desire to love others more.  When you’re not satisfied with yourself, when you don’t see the value in yourself that Christ sees; it’s difficult to not find fault with others.  I’ve found some of the angriest and unforgiving people are those who are truly miserable, themselves.  These people are hurting so badly on the inside, that they look for any reason to be better than someone else.  I’ve been denouncing that tendency in myself.  I’ve been crying out to God for months now to work with me in that area.

Forgiveness and Understanding

I’ve been blessed with a heart for people all my life – I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said – but follow this.  I love a good story, I get upset at tragic outcomes, I sense hurts in others more than most – but I had denied the impulse to act or to show concern.  I didn’t wish to seem soft, or weak, or whatever…. the list goes on.  However, once my spirit had begin to develop and mature,I realized more and more that it was the fear of people that set me out.  No offense – but I could care less what people say.  ”People” are mean, trivial, unforgiving, judgemental and deprived of passion.  I know – it’s a tough reality, but its reality none-the-less.  Romans 3:23 says: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  That means everyone…  My sin is no greater than yours and vice-versa, as Christ died to save the world – not just you and not just me.  

Once I was able to see this spiritually, it makes me respond differently.  I awoke this morning with this mantra that kept going on in my head.  Each time that I found someone who had irritated me today or something that I would normally judge – I would follow that negative thought with “…and He gave His life for them, as He did for you”.   Its hard to express in words how powerful that has been today.  To think of every puncture, assault, bruising, whipping and pain that Christ endured was for “me” and for “you” is an overwhelming thought.